Podcast #26 Pleasure and Play in Work and Life

As a multiple time Emmy Award winning TV host, former NBC News Anchor, respected Life,
Health and Business Coach, Darieth Chisolm uses her platform to encourage women to tell their
stories and make an impact. She coaches clients on how to inspire their audience, attract their
ideal clients and customers and develop ways to monetize their solution by leveraging the art
and business of public speaking and storytelling in the marketplace.
While her work as a coach fills most of her time, Darieth has directed and produced the
harrowing social justice documentary 50 Shades of Silence based on her personal story of
betrayal and revenge at the hands of a jilted ex-boyfriend. The Indie film has won multiple
awards at film festivals throughout the USA.

Darieth is the author of Hustle! Why Now is the Time to Unleash your Passions, and is a
contributing writer for Inspiring Lives and Woman of More magazines. She has toured
internationally speaking on over 600 stages and diverse platforms such as the World Woman
Summit, the Metrowest Conference for Women and several TEDx stages. Her TED.com talk on
revenge porn and cyber harassment has been translated into 19 different languages and has
been viewed over 1.9 million times. You can also watch Darieth on TV trekking across the
country in search of stories on innovation, technology, science and design as a national TV
correspondent on “Tomorrow’s World Today” seen on The Science and Discovery Channel’s
and YouTube. You can learn more about her and her various programs and get resources at
www.darieth.com

FULL UNEDITED TRANSCRIPT:

Mia LaMotte 0:00
I'm in the living space of the house that we're in. And I'm with my friend Darius Chisholm. For those of you who don't know, Darius, she's one of my best friends in the whole wide world. And we really travel a whole wide world. And we are ready to talk to you about something disruption. I'm over here sending a message to someone else.

Darieth 0:25
All right. So people.

Well, I think you have been taking in some of this distant crossing, because I've been working out on the patio, which is gorgeous. And we have this incredible view and beautiful piece here. So I'm really delighted to be here. Thanks for that.

Mia LaMotte 0:46
I'm glad you're here. And we want to presence for all of you. Like, when you work location independently, you get to do life the way that you want to do it. And this woman does it beautifully. Like she's, she's teaching me and we realized this morning, that the last three January's we have been together. And it wasn't like but by on purpose, but we've been together, we've been doing work work the whole time that we're here. But we put in time for pleasure and play, which I think is what

Darieth 1:20
we're gonna be talking about. We're gonna talk about pressure and play with work and life. Yeah. So let's

Mia LaMotte 1:25
do we want to start with a conversation that happened this morning. But how do we want to get into this, however you'd like to get it. So I believe that there's this idea that when you are working or when that you're in work mode that you can't have pleasure, or there's no pleasure associated with it. And I believe that we are disrupting that paradigm. Because yesterday, Derrick was working inside, so I was working on the patio where she was today. And there was a there's a chair that's right out here and call to me. And it said, Go lay down and take a nap. And I thought, That's ridiculous. It's the middle of the day I'm working today, why am I gonna go sit in the chair? Right. And I was like, because I want to, and not from a place of defiance, and not from a place of being irresponsible. It was what my soul was led to do. And when women begin to operate from a place of pleasure, or what's going to be pleasurable for me, I believe we become better business owners. So let's talk about that.

Darieth 2:33
Yes, definitely. I think also that I've no, I don't even think I know that there is a internal sense of connection to whatever we're doing when we're coming from a place of enjoyment, called an enjoyment, pleasure play, but not feeling out of necessity or need or the confines of structure, but actually stepping into what would feel good. What would make me happy, what would be the most pleasurable way to experience something? And I I've often told a lot of my clients along the way that, that when you are faced with something that normally would make you feel like, oh, I don't want to do this, it's like, yes, kicking and screaming, to refrain by simply asking yourself, what would be the most pleasurable way to experience it. And so I've just use that like as a litmus test, I do have a word that I also use, which is ISness, exquisite, which helps me to that's my word for this year. But it helps me reframe the choice around something. But you could also use that in the same context to say, how is this really pleasurable? And if not, how can I make it more pleasurable? Right? Like, do I need a lot of candles? Do I need to put some music on? Do I need to say no, when you think you need to say yes,

Mia LaMotte 4:05
yeah. And, and yesterday was a perfect example of that. So last night, or actually, it was yesterday, last night, and on the east coast, but it was yesterday that I had another presentation. And it went really long. And we were supposed to go out to dinner and our host Katie, she was gonna say for us dinner last night. And as I was working, I was on mute. And Derek was like, What are we doing for dinner? Like, I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I'm sorry, too. And she's like, You know what? I'm gonna go get dinner. So she goes out, pick up dinner, and I'm gonna let her tell the rest of the story because this is her expertise dessert, which is what she does love. So you go out to pick up dinner and what happens?

Darieth 4:48
Well, a couple of things. One is that it's like not just to dinner, I'm like, No, we're gonna get pizza, and we're not just gonna get any kind of pizza. We're gonna get the pizza that like has all the good stuff on it. And you know, thank you It's like, pizza has always been that thing for any of you all, who are on a health journey when you say, I'm not having, I can't have pizza, no, no. Because that's gonna feel good. Pizza is gonna feel good. And what goes on with pizza, red wine, right and chocolate. And so I go out and I pick up these incredible pizzas and red wine, and I'm sitting in this place waiting for it, it's just and I'm like, this is such a nice place, we'd have to come back here. And then you let this is really cool. And then we get on a list and sitting there and I hear French music. And I love French music. It reminds me of my times in France. And I said, Well, now that we're here in Mexico, we're going to get some Italian pizza, and we're listening to French music, and drinking wine that I believe is from Argentina. So this is going to be the whole cultural experience. And then we of course, deepened into the conversations that we've we've just been having here all together. And it was just such a great night. And, you know, for me, even afterwards, as they went to bed, I was like, now what do I want to do? And I'm like, I want to dance. I'm turned on Matt Miller. We're just discovered not long ago, a Pittsburgh people from Pittsburgh and back, Miller, but then I start dancing. And I'm like, this is all felt really good. And then I went to bed with some meditation and cameras going, and I thought, you know, no, sometimes we feel like, do I need to be doing things in this certain way, in this very constructive way. And it's like, if you're really going to be a disrupter, if it doesn't start in here internally, with what feels good to you, how is it that you're ever going to express it outside through your creativity in your work, and your mission and your purpose? And so this entire discussion around disrupting it's like, first, let's disrupt the internal blocks, and bullshit that we've created that have put us in boxes in order for us to live a life that truly is that we're designing and, and from there, I believe we can create businesses and do the work that we need to do in the world is because we've come from a very aligned place that says, I'm available to work from a space of pleasure, fun, freedom, excitement, and then my work comes out into the world. Absolutely. I don't know if anybody can relate to that. But if you can type it into chat, and we can either play a little bit with that with you, if you feel that great. If you don't resonate with it, that's fine, too. But that's just that's where we're coming from. It is

Mia LaMotte 7:48
it is where we're coming from. It's interesting that you say you said what you said about the disruption part because I was I happen to be on the phone with a friend. And they were like you're eating pizza in Mexico. And we were like, yeah, and by the way, we're also listening to music, and the wine comes from Argentina. And like, we don't care, like, we get to create what we want based on our employment based on watching. And so what we want to design for ourselves, and wow, while it was her version of what she desired in the moment, it became part of what we did to so as she mentioned, she wanted to dance and at the end of, you know, the presentation, and then we had another huge conversation, the pleasure, the pleasurable part for me was going to bed, right? And she's like, oh, we need to do it. I was like bringing music into the bathroom until I wash my dance in the bathroom. But then I'm going to get in the bed. And I made that, okay, and she didn't make me wrong for it. And it and we both that we want it we both got what we desire to do. And so when we when we live from that, and when we come from that desire, and what what is going to serve us and serve the other people. That's what we're talking about here.

Darieth 9:11
Right? Definitely. Hi, Trisha. I miss you so much. Yes, very good. Brilliant. Thank you love. Fireside Chat. Yes. And I missed you. And what is this? Daiba Yeah, that's

Mia LaMotte 9:21
Yeah, well, no, maybe you can re so so disruption. So prioritizing pleasure is especially disruption of epic proportions for women of color. So let's talk about

Darieth 9:34
love. That's awesome. You right, like, I think part of what's happened just people in general like we you know, we can get off on this conversation about what their patriarchy has done. But you know, everything that's ever been crafted for people to stay in line and gain control is is what most of us right are ready to bust out right like I left a very prominent career in television news, I input the news for the NBC affiliate for 20. Some years and people thought I was crazy that I would walk away from a very stellar, successful career to go after my dreams and and know, the businesses that I've had and traveled. And my documentary and my social justice work, like I've just always been on this very purposeful path that has been about is this what's next for me? And, and I'm less concerned about what other people have to say, and how other people see it and more concerned about is this what I need for my life in this moment. And I don't know that I knew then that that has been a disruptor as much as I understand it now. But what I did know was that I was following my own bliss and follow my own path. And sometimes when you do that, the unicorns that we probably all are is probably beyond here, Mark. We do look like disruptors, right? We look like people that are like, oh, yeah, but but think of all of the creative ways. Or the creative things that have come out of people just getting out of the box, on their path, and the joy, the bliss, and that is seated in pleasure. It's seated in there. And if we, if we go there first, and then or at least whatever way that we can find our way there and then decide what's the most pleasurable, what is my heart? Tomio? What what's my call, and what's my passion that all comes from that. And it's just reminding ourselves that we're weird, it's funny that we're deserving of it, or that we're worthy of it, it just needs to be an everyday scenario, just it just is. You don't have to make it mean something. Because as I always say, nothing has meaning except for the meaning you give to it. But we can also decide that because that's going to be rooted in my everyday existence. From there things will grow. Absolutely. Think about it, we get what we focus on, right? So if if our focus and our energy is held, and I don't want to do this in restriction and confined in and what is the Mac, what are the masses doing? What should I do? We end up creating things that that are pleasurable for other people, you know, because we didn't come from a real sense of pleasure and enjoyment and happiness. And so it's really about maybe disrupting our thoughts around allowing pleasure in as often as we can.

Mia LaMotte 12:31
Yes, yes. And I think that one of the things that we're starting to notice, or that I'm starting to notice is this whole idea about common sense. And it came to me this morning, I was thinking about this, and I was like, what actually is common sense. Common Sense feels to me, like the opposite of what the fuck I want to be doing. Right? And, oh, she doesn't have any common sense of common sense should have told you to do blah, blah, blah. Right. And I feel like that's another

Darieth 13:04
part of common sense. Is, is equal to should do. Instead of,

Mia LaMotte 13:12
who do I get to be in this moment?

Darieth 13:15
And I want to experience Yeah, because common sense. What Ooh, yeah, yeah, let's Yeah,

Mia LaMotte 13:21
yeah. So like, let's throw out the rulebook throughout the rulebook throughout the common sense throughout, what I should be doing. Let's get more into, what is it that I desire? Like, we were having a conversation with someone this morning, and they were like, well, I want to do this, but like, this thing is gonna be so pleasurable. But I don't know, I got this other thing going, I might not want to mix the two together. And we were like, Huh.

Darieth 13:50
I mean, he was like way, but you may tell you don't have fun. And you don't want to do this. But and without judgment, right? Because we're all on a journey. We're all trying to figure it out. But it's, it is interesting, how often we limit ourselves from doing the fun things or doing the experience. Because somehow we've been programmed that if we do that, then we take away from whatever it is that we're trying to create or to and it's like, no, those two things can work together. Absolutely. They don't have to be mutually exclusive or set aside. And we've I, I know, I mean, I used to do it a lot when I was in a structured career, you know, and was had to show up at a book, like don't do these things, right. And it's part of the reason why I decided to become an entrepreneur so that I could have that

Mia LaMotte 14:44
opinion about what the structure is. Anyone just wrote that. Right? Exactly. But I

Darieth 14:49
think even within the confines of employment or family or anything that we are working in concert with, it doesn't mean that we we We put our truest desires on the shelves. It's like know what everybody bring it into the circle, let's all contribute to what would make us happy individually and together. And now let's see what can I

Mia LaMotte 15:14
tell other folks about your epiphany? I think, let me see, we were in the season, we were together, of course, what I want to say it was the summer, because we had an amazing time of summer, or summer. But at some point, we were supposed we were supposed to be, and I'm using that on purpose, right? The purpose of the trip to her place in Detroit was for us to work.

Unknown Speaker 15:44
And

Mia LaMotte 15:46
work didn't happen, because she's like, I don't even want to use that word anymore. So I want you to talk about like your journey into this, like, I want like this, everything needs to be pleasurable. So why don't we use one or more? And then what was the word challenge? So what was your? What was the decision decision that you made? That turned that gotcha to this point?

Darieth 16:14
I think most of us are, as we're evolving, as we're looking for what's next, right? Like, how many times have you said, what's next? What's the next thing. And so often, like many of us who are highly interested in lots of different things, we can whip something up and do it. And it's next right? As a coach, as a coach, I mean, I do that as a coach, but I think people who are creators and people who are looking to do anything creator, you're always looking for the one that it's what drives us as we should, as we should, that is evolution. But for me, I got to a point where it was like, but it is not bringing me pleasure, if I am finding myself not lit up about it, I'm not available to continue to do it. Because my spirit and my heart and the soul of it. And somehow what I started to identify with the use of the word work. I mean, it's, you know, it's gonna be careful when I say this, I think. But it's like, I can redefine it and not use the word work, but find a different word that is associated with what it is that I'm doing. Because my association at the time was like, work was work. I mean, you know, like work is like, heavy dark, like, I don't want to do that. And I'm like, it's not a what I want to experience and anything that I do, or anything involved in. And so I'm not even going to use the word work. I'm not even going to define what I do as I needed different words to define it. And I also feel that way about challenge like challenge, if you say, you know, this is a challenge, you damn right, it's a challenge. If you use the word challenge, it's a continue to always be a challenge. So like, I refrained from using the word challenge, because I think we somehow using this, this will be a challenge, but I'm going to do it. Well, you've already created the challenge by the use of the word. And I also practice as much as I can conscious language. So I'm clear that the language that I'm using is also creating the experience and therefore creating the result. So I decided that I would would change that now energetically, I also wasn't available to do with either, because I was reframing what I wanted my experience to be. And I believe that for most people, if you if you really are kind of ready to step off on the edge, and I've stepped off the edge, jump off the cliff, jump off the plane, out of the plank, many times in one lifetime, right? And I know that there's so much excitement in that I'm ready to jump off another clip. And trust me, there's something to be said about being on the edge of something and teetering over it and decided, okay, here we go. Next adventure, you know, and for those of you have ever jumped on a plane, you know, that experience or jumped off of anything, or jumped out of anything, whether it's a relationship or your bodies, or you know, your job, there is so much in that experience that's enjoyable that it's it is the journey, right? The journey is way more enjoyable than the actual destination like you hit the ground. Yep, I

Mia LaMotte 19:25
can do it again.

Darieth 19:27
So so that is really what I'm looking to December and so what I knew that I needed to do was to get clear about the fact that no more could I create, what this was in terms of what I saw as work and be available to manifest whatever was next and sometimes there's a little leasing or something you need to cut the cord, release it, distorting it, reframe it, and you need to do it in the physical as much as you need to do it internally as much as you need to do it spiritually. And I As part of the reason that I'm here in Todos Santos, Mexico is that I made the intention in June when I was here that this would be the place to begin the new year to begin, what's next. And in order for me to do that I really needed to, to, to not severed in that way, but to recondition what's, and I know, whatever it is, it's gonna be amazing. But it's like just just understanding decision, I made a decision exactly if that's what the decision is to decide to cut. But even in that, that was a pleasurable decision. There was no, you know, no, like regrets, but more of saying, Okay, this is a, this is a, this is a period of rest, this is a period of play, this is a period of pleasure so that I can come back more full, more whole reading, and sometimes we don't give ourselves that space and time and attention, or we can't afford to, and I understand that, but but at the same time, sometimes you cannot not afford to,

Mia LaMotte 20:58
sometimes when common sense thing, right? Common sense would tell me to do X, when really what I want to do is

Darieth 21:06
this Yes. So that when you go back to it, you're even more alive

Unknown Speaker 21:13
before we crash.

Darieth 21:15
And no, we can't just keep plowing through things and then expecting it to, you know, continue to do even,

Mia LaMotte 21:22
you know, everything rest. That's why we have nighttime, right? Absolutely. So it's important to do that. Absolutely. Alright, so we got to wrap it up. Well, so we definitely want to, you know, dairies gonna have all of her information on the information on the sheets and things that we're going to send to you guys. But if you had one last thought, or one last idea from disruption, or having a disruption or being disrupted or disrupting, what would that be? And what are the lessons that you would like them to take today?

Unknown Speaker 22:00
Or a lesson?

Unknown Speaker 22:01
So we'll start with that.

Unknown Speaker 22:03
What,

Darieth 22:04
what I believe is that we, you know, internally, when something clicks and you hear that that is your lesson, right? Like, it's not something that I need to say it started, if I said anything that clicked or resonated with you follow that as the lesson, right? There was something that said, Oh, maybe I should take naps more often. Or maybe I should decide that I'm going to ask myself the question, what is the most pleasurable way to do this, you know, or maybe I am going to just decide, I gotta come back to that project later, because I need a break. I don't know what that is for you. So I'm not going to suggest it. Yes, as a final message, but I'm going to invite you to consider if there was something of what I said that felt like the message to follow it. Awesome. So I would say that, and I would also say that, you know, life is a journey. It net you know what it is? We're here for the journey, and not for the destination. So enjoy the journey.

Unknown Speaker 23:09
Yes. Yes. Yes. Awesome.

Mia LaMotte 23:15
Amazing. Thank you, my friend.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai