Podcast #32 Boundaries and Gratitude

Cynthia Jackson a Licensed Professional Counselor of 8 years who specializes in trauma and has a passion for helping women who have been emotionally, verbally, sexually, and financially abused.

FEATURED ON THE SHOW:

Visit the website https://www.brandnewyou1.com/

FULL UNEDITED TRANSCRIPT:

Mia LaMotte 0:00
All right, we are back. Hello. Hello. Hello. Thank you for being here. Thank you for staying on. And covering on our last guest for the day. Mrs. Cynthia Jackson, and she can tell us how she became to be a Mrs. Late last year, I think it was around my birthday. So I'm gonna bring up Cynthia. So without further ado, hello, my love's.

Cynthia 0:33
Hi, how are you?

Mia LaMotte 0:34
I'm well how are you?

Cynthia 0:36
Fabulous.

Mia LaMotte 0:37
Fabulous. Of course you are fabulous. Look at you. You are fabulous.

Cynthia 0:41
Thank you. If I'm talking a little funny, I have a retainer. And so Oh, look,

Mia LaMotte 0:45
take care of yourself and do what you need to do. Right? Absolutely. So Mrs. Jackson, I'm sorry, Miss Mrs. Jackson. Yes, yeah. This is a little bit about you. And then we'll talk about this whirlwind love story of yours. And we'll talk about, like, all of the things that you have been through in this last year. So tell us about your first.

Cynthia 1:10
Okay, I'm Cynthia Jackson, and I'm a Licensed Professional Counselor since 2016. I'm also a licensed and ordained minister for about 25 plus years. I own two businesses, counseling centers currently, and one in Conroe. And one in Tomball. In Texas, and and Texas, in Texas. Yes, us,

Mia LaMotte 1:35
because we might have some folks from international and I don't know where that is, yes. Right. And you're also doing something else, right, you're going to be helping other therapists become business owners.

Cynthia 1:49
Absolutely. What's interesting is, in this business, it's super hard to get any kind of help. Everything I did outside of my supervisor, before I have my full license, when I have our provisional license, he helped me with some things, that once you get your full license and you go on your own, you'll find that a lot of people don't want to give you any information. So everything that I learned in these six years has been trial and error, figuring things out on my own. And when I say error, I mean lots of errors and not understanding and not many resources. So that's why I'm very interested in helping other therapists that are starting out for the first time to help them not have to go through all the struggles that I had, and be able to have the resources and information that I've learned through my years and offer it to them so that they don't have that bumpy road.

Mia LaMotte 2:49
Oh my god, that is so good. Because I can I can totally relate to that. There's so many people who believe that if they tell you all of their secrets, or they tell you how they built their business, and they tell you how they did all of the things that they believe you're going to become their competition. Right. Right. And so you're helping to to narrow that for other therapists. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. That's so awesome. All right. So let's get into the Telus game. Oh, my God. So let's talk a little bit about who you became, in the process of becoming a to business owner, a minister, but also a new way. Okay.

Cynthia 3:43
Let's see, I've always didn't have a problem speaking up for being outspoken on issues, issues that need to be addressed. So I think it is magnified it. Because being a black woman, down here in Texas, speak up for yourself. And you can't let people walk all over you. And although I can be aggressive when I need to, I'm really a loving person. And I like I like a positive goodbye. I like people to be able to get along. And so when I first started, I was letting a lot of stuff go just to keep peace. So I had to learn down through the years that I can't always keep the peace because it's not good for me because I'm the one that ends up with the short end of the stick trying to keep peace. And it took me a while to kind of figure that out because I'd be like, Okay, that was okay, that went over. But then eventually it's like, Oh, that wasn't a good move. For me. That didn't help me at all. So it's like I was helping everybody else but myself being nice. So I had to learn how to find that balance of still being able to be loving and caring and nice, but also being able to get the business done for myself.

Mia LaMotte 5:10
So this, that realization was the thing that changed everything for you.

Cynthia 5:16
Absolutely, because I have a lot of just in the last year, I've had a lot of really hard lessons that I had to learn as far as I'm a dependable person, honest person, I'm a trustworthy person. And I automatically think a lot of times that other people are the same, especially when we connect on something common, especially pertaining to spirituality. And I learned that that doesn't mean anything. And then I still always have to look out for myself first. And, like I always say, make it make sense, because I'll say it all the time. But over the past two years, I wasn't making it make sense. I was trusting. And I learned hard lessons from really hard lessons from that hard lessons, hurt feelings, all of that stuff. So yeah. So I'm not there anymore.

Mia LaMotte 6:18
Yeah, so you so you've transformed those hurt feelings and those big lessons into what? Strength? Yeah,

Cynthia 6:26
strength, because those were I couldn't see them. But those were weaknesses. You know. It just doesn't always work out the way that you have it in your mind. Because you're only thinking from your perspective. People always have different perspectives. So now I'm looking for their perspective and asking different questions. Relevant, trusting, asking the right questions so that I can understand their perspective. So then now I can see clearly when, okay, we're not lining up. When if I don't question it sounds like we're on the same page.

Mia LaMotte 7:03
Yes, yes. And so this is this is related to business and personal are both

Unknown Speaker 7:09
both.

Cynthia 7:11
Both setting stronger boundaries, harder boundaries, business and personal. Yeah, to make sure that I'm good because I, as long as I can remember, I've always put myself on the back burner to make sure that everybody else was okay. You know, from even with food. Times when I was younger, and my kids were small, and we didn't have money, I would make sure everybody ate and then I would eat off whatever they left, making sure they were okay. Didn't matter if I got sick didn't matter, you know? And now I have the balance of we all gonna be okay. Yes. Because I'm okay. First.

Mia LaMotte 7:55
Yes, yes. So tell us how you because this is a huge disruption, how you actually got into this business?

Cynthia 8:05
Well, as long as I can remember, people always ask me for advice. Friends, especially when I got older in my 20s, and things like that I was able to give advice. Not for myself, I could give it to everybody else. When I was 23, going into the ministry, you know, counseling goes hand in hand. But after a couple of years of counseling in a spiritual setting, I realized that there was so much more to counseling and helping people. And that there's things that are spiritual, that could be wrong. But there's also a lot of things that could be wrong in the natural. And I want you to learn how to take it a step further and be able to address the whole person, natural and spiritually. So that's how I ended up saying, You know what, I'm gonna go to school. And I always wanted to go to school. But, you know, I've ADHD, so I have many interests. But I decided when I was older, I think I was I was not hitting 40. And I was like, now that I'm out of a toxic relationship, I'm on my own, and me and my mom were talking about and I was like, I go to school now. And so and I was like, I'm gonna do counseling, because I'm always helping people. So I'm going to do counseling, and that's how I got into this business.

Mia LaMotte 9:29
And you were 40. Like, you didn't wait until I mean, or you didn't, you didn't beat yourself up about the fact that, oh, you know what I might be on the other side of youth. Right? And I'm not going to let that stop me because I'm gonna be 20 years older than most of the people in my class. I'm still gonna go on. I'm still gonna do this.

Cynthia 9:48
Okay, but let's be clear. I still don't feel like I'm on the other side of you. Okay. Okay. never it never even occurs to me because I still feel like I'm daddy's Little girl, and I do not feel I'm 55 I'll be 56 in June. And I don't feel like I'm 55 and I don't function like that. So it never crossed my mind like, Oh, I'm 40 I'm too old. I don't feel like that I'm most things I'm still gonna push through.

Mia LaMotte 10:15
Yeah. And and you have that spirit. Right? You got this spirit of a 20 year old. So of course you're right. Yes. Yeah. So what about this husband of yours? You're a newlywed, aren't you? Yes, I

Unknown Speaker 10:32
am talking

Mia LaMotte 10:33
about spirits of 20 year olds.

Cynthia 10:35
Yes. Give it like a 20 year old too. So.

Mia LaMotte 10:47
Tell us all the team. How did you? How did you meet? How did you reconnect? Like, what are the things that was all the things?

Unknown Speaker 10:54
Okay, so

Cynthia 10:57
I grew up with them, let's go together. I had a crush on them. I won't sell everything. But we ended up being really good friends. When I was 17, I had to have open heart surgery. And when I got out the hospital because we used to talk on the phone. When I got off the hospital. He used to come every day he would get home from work, he would come to my house and get me and make me take a walk because I was supposed to exercise every day. He would take me for a walk. And after I got better, we just never stopped. So every day we would meet up halfway because he lived on one side and I live on the other side. So we will walk and we would meet. And we would just laugh and talk for a couple of hours. And then we lost contact. And then I had gotten married. I had kids. And I used to take my son to him when he was like my son was to, for him to cut his hair. And so for all these years, we were in some kind of contact in an owl. He even found the letter that I wrote and sent to his house in 2003. Oh my god, he still had that. And then we like reconnected in 2010. lost contact again reconnected for a bit in 20. I think it was 2014 When my grandmother passed because I was in California. And then I haven't talked to him for like five years. And I tell people all the time, it's so funny, because I had just like given up because I was like, Oh man, my friends are married. I want to be married. But I haven't been single for 12 years. And so I wanted to be married and stuff. But then I was like, you know you, you meet people. And it's just like always so disappointing. It's such a letdown. And so it's

Mia LaMotte 12:53
an intention last year for relationship. Did you not like yeah,

Cynthia 12:59
one, but two days before we reconnect it. And I was actually sitting right here. And I was like, Okay, God, I quit. I give up. I don't care anymore. I was like you bless me with my businesses. You blessed me with my beautiful home. I got great kids grandkids, I was like, I don't care anymore. I don't have to have anybody on satisfy. And I'm going to be consistent and thankful for what I have. And then two days later, I was in the kitchen. And my phone went off. And I saw the name Demetrius and I thought it was my client. That sounds like I'll talk to him later because I was cooking. And then I have to go back to work. And so before I was getting ready to come and start doing my my video counseling, I looked and I was like, wait a minute, this is from Facebook. And then I saw who it was. And I was just like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Like, I'm just like smiling and freaking out. I was like, Oh my God. And Ava was here. And I was telling Dave, I was like, oh my god, I love him so much. I was like, I can't wait. I love that. So I have to work until like 1045 I think it was but and you know, I'm two hours ahead of him. Because in Calif he's in California. So I was fine. So I call them and we talked for like three hours. And that was on a Monday. And then on that Thursday, we decided we're gonna get married and six weeks later, we were married.

Mia LaMotte 14:25
And then you wrote it. And you're going so you guys live on live in different places.

Cynthia 14:31
Right? Because we have restrictions through family issues, illnesses. And so, so we decided to stay put until we can. I just took him to the airport on Tuesday. And then my daughter has taken me to the airport tomorrow. And so I'll be in California for a couple of weeks. But everything is really great. It was like the greatest gift guy could have ever Have you ever been I mean, it's like so right on time in my life. And he's everything that I need everything that I could have all the things that I ever asked for all down through these years, I got that. And plus more so respectful affirmation all the time. So affection, I mean, everything is on point and good. And then it was interesting because we're both vegan. So that was good. And everything is just so in mine. And everything else was crumbling and going wrong. I can handle it just because I had him is so solid with me, and everything is just great. So I like being Miss Jackson. If you're not,

Mia LaMotte 15:40
yes. Like when you first told me about and you're like, Oh, I'm getting married in 16. I was like, wait a minute, what? Right? Would you know, you know? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 15:55
So perfect.

Mia LaMotte 15:56
And then the other part is that you guys didn't let this physical, the physical location, be a barrier to, to what you're up to. committed enough to say, You know what, we're gonna figure this out, like, we're gonna be together, and we're gonna figure it out. And I love that. Like, you are always my like, newbie, going through a bit of stuff with, you know, some other people's courses. But because you have this in your life, it has definitely grounded you. Definitely made you. Like, I'd say you actually love, love life more.

Cynthia 16:36
Oh, everything. Everything is beautiful. Everything

Mia LaMotte 16:43
is beautiful. Because you're your customer perspective. Right? You you decided that you know what? I give up? I'm gonna let you handle what to be grateful for what I have. Right? And he appears or reappear? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 16:58
just like that. Yeah,

Mia LaMotte 16:59
he reappears. It that is amazing. I love this story, because and the reason why I wanted to talk about it. I know I didn't, didn't say a whole lot about us talking about this today. I want to talk about it. Because I think that a lot of women believe that they can't have it. All.

Unknown Speaker 17:15
Right. And that was

Cynthia 17:18
that was my thought was okay, I've got these businesses. So that's it. That's my quality is my limit. And I have to change that mentality to Yes, I can.

Mia LaMotte 17:31
Absolutely. Like you can have everything that you desire, as long as you believe it. Yes. And I think that you had a mindset shift, as soon as you got really grateful about what you do have. And this, then he walked in the door, right? Because you are open to receiving instead of cutting yourself off by saying, You know what, I can have what I want to have, but I only sucky dates and you know, so I want to presents for the audience is like, when we think whatever we think we can have is what we're gonna get. And I know sometimes it's really hard to understand. But once you start to manifest as one of our guests said earlier, once you start to manifest the things that you say that you want, because you're coming from a place of belief, then then you start to you start to be like, Oh, my God, this is fun. Let me see what else I can create.

Cynthia 18:27
Absolutely. And let me be clear that I wasn't doing dates, because I was so traumatized from the relationship from 21 years ago, like, in the first conversations, if I heard anything that even triggered me that way, I just chopped it off. So I never even would make it to the date. Because I mean, a lot of it was me. But like I say, from the VN, that last relationship was just so horrible and so awful. It was just my app. No. And that was one of the things I had asked God for was that I wanted to be somebody that I knew already and that was years ago. So I forgot but God didn't

Mia LaMotte 19:08
look at that. You wanted to meet somebody that you already knew, already knew. And a certain set of qualities that he had to have

Cynthia 19:17
all the things that I asked for was I like people that are blunt, I like people that are straight out I like people that are their authentic self. I like people that are loving, affectionate. Good sex, all of that I want to all of that. And I got all of it with plus signs and stars and fireworks everywhere.

Mia LaMotte 19:47
So one more because you were willing to ask for and you're grateful for what you already had.

Cynthia 19:57
Yes. And and and now was specific and those things because those are all the things that I lacked. And those are part of who I am. Because I'm very loving, very caring, and I'll do anything for anybody. I want people, you know, to be happy. And that's part of how I disrupt in my businesses, because I'm genuine, for how I care about people, and especially women, I want them to be happy. And I want them to know that you don't have to have a bad life because you're a woman. And that we can take charge. I tell women all the time. You are the queen, the king, el presidente, this person. No one else can rule you. And that's what we have to grab. Because we're not in that position. I argue. My husband is who, who say, I'm gonna tell all the women that have done about a girl that you got it because I will go to town, about a woman like all these things in Hollywood and things a year old, she had a baby with him. Okay, well, it's his responsibility, just like his hers to not get someone pregnant, you know, and things like that. But as women, we're taught to just be quiet, suck it up, you know, we sleeve a one person, we're a whore. And that's a bunch. And then their stairs and their glory, fight for it. And all that I'm like, on a mission because all of that scattered change.

Mia LaMotte 21:23
It does like down with the patriarchy for sure. Yes, I was reading this book about this guy who talks about the polarities between masculine and feminine. So he's really talking about males and females, but it's about energy. Right. Right. And the book, I love the book, but when he talks about the patriarchy, and how it's gotten a bad name, and I'm like, Yeah, because it is a bad thing. The patriarchy that we know in America especially, is very damaging to women, especially women of color. And so I think that's another reason why we align because we both are about the business of busting up young women and making sure that women understand that your power is within, you can't No man, give it to you or take it away from you.

Cynthia 22:13
No. And you find that though, that if you think about how as women were raised, like, you always say, the boys are outside playing football, playing cops and robbers killing each other, fighting each other. We're in the house, feeding our baby doll, making our happy home with Kin, right, and Skipper. And so we're in such different places, so that we're already thinking that we need not one, but that we need a man to make us whole. But the truth is, if we want any kind of man, we must first be whole ourselves and know how to love ourselves, and empower ourselves. And we talk about masculine energy. I believe that any woman that has survived an abusive relationship, you're gonna have some masculine energy, because you got to protect yourself. And you got to rise up and take care of like, for me and taking care of my kids by myself, you know, all these things. So now he put me in a position that I gotta be mother and father, so I have to have feminine and masculine energy. And that's okay, because that's what's gonna bring me through, but I want us to all start telling our little girls that girl, no, you can be the president, you can be a CEO, you can be all these things. You don't have to be a housewife, you don't have to be barefoot pregnant in the kitchen, you don't have to do that. You can have all your own things and build your own wealth. And instead of waiting for your women all time, I'm a very rich man. You are, you know, instead of the thought is never. Yeah, I'm gonna be wealthy, I'm gonna have my own stuff. And so that's the message that I always want to spend on. That's how I'll disrupt this, that letting a woman Bill empowered with who she is, and what her abilities are, and help her to find her talents that maybe have been pressed down because of verbal abuse. Whatever it is, or gain control, and bring that out and bring it to the top so that she has the strength to walk away and build her own wealth.

Mia LaMotte 24:16
Absolutely. And we all do that from a place of balance. And both of those energies, we, we get to have them both, just like a man gets to have them both, but we got to balance them out. And most of us, most women, we because we live in this patriarchal society, we live more in the masculine. And, you know, we're going to invite you to look more into your feminine because that's where your power is, right?

Unknown Speaker 24:43
That's where the power is. Right?

Mia LaMotte 24:45
So tell us, we're gonna be wrapping it up in a few minutes. So what would you say? has been your biggest lesson? As an entrepreneur as a mom, like they can be different lessons or as a newlywed like What's what's been your biggest?

Cynthia 25:03
So let me start with a newlywed. So my biggest lesson, as a newlywed is to always check myself because I came out of a bad relationship, so I never have to see myself. Because, yeah, you know, I was so busy focused on all the dirt he was doing right. And in this relationship, I have no complaints. So I often have the camera turned on me, so to speak on the mirror. And so it's really, the biggest lesson that I have learned is that I'm not I'm in a partnership, now I can chill out. I don't have to have all that masculine energy now, because you got it for sure. So I can relax, and be a lady now for that. Um, as far as a being a parent, all my kids are grown. And so for that, I think it is listening more. Because I think that the way that I was raised is more, I'm your mom and shut up and do what I say. And I don't do that anymore. Now, what are you feeling? Why are you know, and helping through some, I think it's helped me to be more of a better listener like I am in my sessions, to my children and my grandchildren. Yes. As an entrepreneur, I learned to read me five with my ADHD like I have to do when I'm working on my Psy D. Re, yeah, where myself and learn from myself and ask questions for myself so that I don't have to rely on other people for all this knowledge that I can have it which will help me in my coaching as well. Absolutely.

Mia LaMotte 26:55
So wrap up, folks about the coaching and what you're going to be coaching women on and how they can get in touch with you. And we'll put all that in the show notes. And we also have the links and everything else for them.

Cynthia 27:08
To get in touch with me my website is right now you can go through brand new u one.com.

Mia LaMotte 27:15
So the number one,

Cynthia 27:16
the number one, brand new you and number one.com. And my telephone number that you can reach me at is 936-520-9124. And just need to tell the gentlelady what you're calling about the things that I offer for coaching is a lot of little things, because as a therapist, they got that part. Yeah, but it's leases. What to look for scug lesson on that. Or at least what should be there? What shouldn't be there? Prices, understanding that a lot of things you don't know is when you go and you look at a business, guess what, they're gonna give you a price. But that's not the right you're gonna pay when it comes down when you go sign that that lease, oh, we have camp peaks. And so that little nice amount you thought you can have, you can go ahead and add about 17 $1,800 to that things like that, that people don't know, and things about their license that they need to know things about how to get on insurance patterns, how to do your own credentialing, so you don't have to go in depth trying to get someone to help you. How to do billing, what billing software's are out there, which ones are the best, which ones are the easiest, what are you going to get the most talking about what populations, training CPUs, all the things that therapists needs to keep going in to have a successful office.

Mia LaMotte 28:51
Yeah, love it. Love it, because you learn the hard way. You didn't have somebody teaching you all these things. And so you want to impart this, this wisdom to other women who wants to become therapists save you a lot of headache. Yes. Awesome. Yay. Yay. Anything else you want to add? Say before we sign off?

Cynthia 29:13
I do. I want to say that. I've learned a lot. But when I met umiya That's when things as far as I really learned how to be a boss lady and a businesswoman. And I always tell people, when I talk about you, the first time that you and I talked, you were sitting there and you had your little tablet and your pen and you were like, tell me what you do. And I chose a licensed professional counselor. And you were just like and you start saying you can do this. Yes, you can do that. You can do that. And I'm like

I can I can.

I want to say that if there's anybody out there this listening right now and you're you have your own business and you want To take it to the top and really get a good understanding of all the things you can really do. Get with me, because she has so much knowledge, so many resources. And also she helps you with your motivation. Because when she's telling you stuff and it starts clicking in your brain, oh, you're gonna get real hype, because you're gonna be like, Oh my god, I really can't make a little bit more change here. So I want to express my gratitude to you,

Mia LaMotte 30:24
oh, my God. I didn't pay her to do this job. Like, this is not this was not set up. I did not ask her to say any of this. So for me, like for you to say this like, Absolutely, honor and appreciate you for trusting me to do this with you. And thank you,

Cynthia 30:44
like, you deserve me. This are all of it, because you're great. Thank you. You're welcome.

Mia LaMotte 30:51
We'll close with that for sure. Okay, okay. Thank you so much for being here and enjoy your time in California. And maybe we can hook up because I'll be in California next week, too.

Cynthia 31:05
Okay, great.

Mia LaMotte 31:07
Thank you. All of all of the stuff that Cynthia mentioned will be in the show notes or in the links and we'll make sure that you guys get in touch with her if that's something that you want to do. Thank you love.

Cynthia 31:19
I'll see you later. Bye bye.

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